Yelp sucks: By the numbers

Honestly, most of the time I'm not obsessing about Yelp, but part of my daily duties is to monitor social media about MTB, of which Yelp is a big part. I had no intention of writing about Yelp today, but we just had yet another REAL 5-star review from a REAL person go "behind the veil," and it inspired me to run a report.

We've been tracking the lifespan of reviews for about a month now. We have about 200 other reviews yet to archive, but this snapshot is particularly interesting because it came right after we canceled our advertising contract with Yelp.

Summary of the data:

• With one notable exception, none of our 5-star reviews stayed visible longer than five days.
• The one that did stay up for 29 days was taken down three days after I cancelled the contract.
• The average number of days 5-star reviews stayed up WITH the one outlier is 5.3 days.
• The average number of days 5-star reviews stayed up WITHOUT the one outlier is 3.5 days.

Granted, this is a very small slice of data, but it's interesting when analyzed in light of our cancellation. I can't wait to dig in to the numbers when we can figure out how to track down the archive dates for our 200-some other archived reviews.

First pic: the cancellation email. I thought it was pretty friendly and to the point -- nothing antagonistic and straightforward. I wrote our Yelp rep on December 29th, 2011, and told her we wouldn't be renewing our contract. Since then, all but one positive review has remained, and that's only because, as of this writing, there's one recent five-star review since we declined to renew. Given the pattern, I expect it to be gone in the next day or two.

Thanks, buh-bye...

Now, here are the numbers. I plugged in all the reviews along with other information and ran a report.

Almost all of our 5-star reviews were archived within a week of being posted. The one exception is particularly interesting -- Justin S.'s review was "disappeared" three days after I canceled the contract. We only have somewhat-educated guesses as to why his review survived as long as it had -- other, more active reviewers' posts have disappeared more quickly, and about-as-active reviewers' posts have stayed longer -- but it seems just a little TOO coincidental that his review would be taken down right after I cancelled the contract. And since he posted his review, no other 5-star reviews lasted longer than five days.

Yelp is going to have to do some 'splainin' sometime soon. Even if their algorithm works correctly and they DON'T futz with the numbers or review placement, it APPEARS to be very shady. The backlash is growing, and I'm not the only business owner paying very close attention to the numbers. My guess is that they don't want anyone probing their servers too closely, even if everything's legitimate.

It's a girl! (Open forum for baby names...)

We went to the doctor's office for a routine sonogram this morning. Well, not exactly routine -- this was the appointment where we could find out the sex of the baby if we wanted to. My wife and I have long been in agreement on that one -- we always want to know.

It's a girl!

I would have been happy either way, but the missus really could use a feminine presence around the house. We love our boys, but they DO tend to leave a smoking wasteland behind them. And everything is about trains, mud, breaking things and soon, we expect, a fascination with poop. (I wish I could say it was different around the office...) A girl...wow. Well, that's just another whole frontier for us.

I wish I'd gotten her reaction on film. On the drive over she downplayed it. I knew she wanted a little girl, but on my side of the family, at least, we appear to be single-gender producers. So far we've had two little boys, my brother has three little boys, and my sister has two little girls. Fate seemed to have predestined us to have another boy. "I really don't care," she said. (Which isn't to say that she was going to just put whatever it is in a box out in the garage with a bowl of gruel -- it just meant that, well, she'd be fine whichever way.) Her reaction, though, told the whole story -- she really, really, REALLY wanted a girl.

My reaction? "Wait--what? Huh? We just found out???"

I had taken my eyes off the ball in just that second because I was holding Boy #2, Kolbe, who was determined to either wreck the sonogram machine, or find out what was in the hazardous waste container. Also, at the precise second that the doctor decided to find the gender, I got a text from our operations manager asking about whether to buy some straps today.

Work always intrudes. I fully expect to be checking texts while at my kids' graduation from Harvard, Yale and the Hollywood Upstairs Medical School (I won't mention which kid THAT will be, but come on, we all know it's true, little one...)

Anyway, that's Baby #3. Not to be crass, but with each boy's arrival, MTB jumped to a new level (out of necessity, mostly -- I couldn't be moving, then running things on the admin side, AND taking care of little ones while my wife recovered). So, who knows, maybe this little arrival will herald a new franchising model. Just sayin'...

So, names. Right now we're fond of Cecilia, but we need to get some options. Thoughts?

Uh oh...Groundhog Day...

Speaking of tech problems, here's an actual screenshot from my phone. Looks like Thursday is going to be a very, very long day...

More machine than man...

Not my desk, but it could be...

The other day I tried to cut some text from a document and paste it on another page. It didn't work no matter how many times I tried. It wouldn't even select.

I tried checking the documentation, then realized that I'd thrown it out with all my other equipment's paperwork. Okay, I thought, it's time to put that college education to work. Come on, brain, we can figure this out!
 
The source of the problem didn't take long to find: The page was made of paper, my stylus was actually a ball-point pen.

The realization actually took less time than it took you to read those lines, but still, I had an actual, real impulse to copy text on paper and paste it to another page with my pen.


It occurred to me that I may have reached the point of technological overload.

The signs have been there for awhile. Almost everything I do relies on some form of technology. I use the Weather.com app so I'll know what to wear that day. I use GPS even on well-traveled routes so I can get (usually useless) traffic updates. My whole business relies on multiple levels of computer hardware and software. Without the Internet and the myriad services and systems therein, MTB just wouldn't exist.

I'm writing this on one of two monitors hooked to my computer. I needed the second monitor (so I reasoned) because it's much easier to manage the multiple open windows of data. It's so useful for things like editing the website on one screen, while monitoring the changes on the other. (Because, you know, Alt-tabbing between windows can give you rickets or something.) Or, I might be logging job data in a database on one screen, while reading it in the report form on the other screen. Add a layer of complexity if I need to check the online calendar for missing details.

To hook up the screens to the computer, I needed to get a new graphics card (also useful for video editing) that could handle two monitors. But then there were hours upon hours of trying to find the right frakking adapter to connect the extra monitor. Oh, and look at that! The new graphics card requires a bigger power supply. Might as well install some new RAM, too...

That video editing? It requires software, of course, but also an adapter to hook up the old Sony Handycam to import the video.


Meanwhile, I have a smart phone to be able to remotely access most of the stuff I need to operate such a highly mobile business, but, you know, sometimes that little screen isn't enough. Why, a tablet is the perfect solution.

Uh oh...not only is it illegal to use your phone while driving in many jurisdictions, it's also dangerous. So, a hands-free device is necessary. But not just any hands-free device -- I need one that won't fall out of my ear or cut the circulation off in my arm when the cord wraps around it. So, a rechargeable headset ought to do the trick!


All of this comes with cords, cords, cords! And cords, of course, require outlets. How many outlets? More than what you can find on the wall. Better go get a power strip...


I'm not complaining. (No really -- I'm not.) I actually love gadgets. It's a weakness. But there comes a point, probably long before you think, when you've long since blown past the usefulness of all your gadgets. I think I crossed that point in 2009. After all, a friend and mentor in this industry who more than doubled his gross revenue last year still does everything on paper. He runs about five crews, each of which are governed by a paper calendar. He looks at our operation, and the operations of some of my buddies in the industry, as being some kind of super tech-savvy NEXT GENERATION Web 7.0 stuff.

Then again, maybe he's patronizing us. While we're up to our eyeballs buggy databases, he's doubling his revenue -- effortlessly, apparently. Nice strategy, buddy.

Will I reduce my digital footprint. Most likely not. After all, I solved a calendar problem during the writing of this stupid blog post. Literally between paragraphs. I love and loathe my digital prison.

In other words, thanks, Greg!

Yesterday's post turned into another mini-rant about Yelp, but the intended purpose was to thank Greg L. not only for the review, but for standing up for us vis a vis some negative feedback. And thanks, of course, to everyone else who wrote great feedback!

Cheers,
C.

More Yelp Shenanigans

As noted below, Yelp sucks, primarily because it's highly likely that there's some shady business going on. In the past, they'd promise business owners that negative reviews would be "shuffled" out of view, or at least moved to the last page or something. In some cases, it appears, they'd tell business owners they could remove negative reviews altogether. To be fair, we never received any such promises. They gave us the standard line that we'd have "much more" exposure with a paid ad at the top of page. (In actuality, we got maybe a ten percent bump in business page views).

The most common problem with Yelp is the well-documented tendency to filter positive reviews when business owners declined to advertise with them. It would go like this:

Company gets a few positive reviews, ergo, gets on Yelp's radar.
Aggressive account executives try to sell business owners advertising space on the website.
If the company accepts, it may, for a while, be left alone. If the company declines, their positive reviews start disappearing.
Yelp denies any wrong-doing.

It went much like that with us. We got a surge of good reviews that stayed on the site, unfiltered, for months at a time. Yelp called us, and in my naivety, I thought it might give us a little bit of an edge. I bought in to the advertising.

However, just as our contract was about to come up for renewal, we couldn't keep a positive review on the site longer than a couple of days. After I formally canceled the renewal, every review we received was archived (filtered) within two or three days.

Another recent example: Greg L. gave us a five-star review on the 19th, the same day that an angry customer gave us a one-star review. (That's a story in itself -- she admitted that we gave her five-star service, but a later assembly job went bad thanks to a very green employee we shouldn't have sent. She later upgraded the review in order to get some more of that five-star service, but when I declined, she downgraded it again. That comes pretty close to extortion, if you ask me.) Anyway, Greg wrote the positive review, then updated it later that day in response to the one-star review.

Here it is:

So it has been several months since I hired these guys to help me move last October.  That's not a reflection on their service in any way. I'm just kind of lazy.

Anyway, these guys are great.  I could call up the owner and actually speak with him.  Booking was a breeze.  Everyone was always very polite, and I wasn't charged anything for needing to cancel the move the day before because of a problem with the apartment I was moving into.  When I rescheduled, they were great about that as well.

The three men I hired to help with the move were impeccably professional.  My belongings were well-secured.  They were careful with everything and didn't waste a second.  Not once did they stop, not even for a breather.  They worked very, very hard.

I plan on asking them to help me with my next move. There's not even a question in my mind about who to call.

[EDIT] I have just seen that there are some absurd negative reviews on here.  I cannot imagine how someone could give these folks such a poor rating.  Chris is  fantastic person to deal with and very understanding.  He really seems to care about providing excellent customer service. And like I mentioned above, the men who showed up for the move were very professional and polite.  I cannot stress that enough -- I was very impressed.  These are good people who work hard.

It was archived five days later.

Negative reviews, of course, are "evergreens" and stay on the site forever, presumably until I shell out more cash. As friend in the industry put it, "Yelp is a finely honed protection racket."

Agreed.

7 Things Your Employees Never Want to Hear

Inc. online has an article called "7 Things Your Employees Never Want to Hear." It details alternatives that you, as a boss, might want to consider.

The advice is good, but it doesn't work for every industry. And anyway, I've found my own alternatives. In brief, here they are:

1. "Good idea -- now if we also..."
My alternative: "That's a horrible idea. Go fold those blankets."


2. "Look. I’m in charge here."
My alternative: Actually, that's pretty good.

3. "I have a great opportunity for you."
My alternative: "You don't look like you're doing anything. Go fold those blankets."

4. "Man, I’m looking forward to my trip to Europe."
My alternative: "I don't care where we take our vacation as long as I don't have to see you for two weeks."

5. "I’ve had enough. I’m out of here."
My alternative: "I'm gonna brainstorm in the boardroom." The boardroom, of course, is the Majestic Lounge around the corner. Great beer selection.

 6. "No."
My alternative: Hahaha. "No."

7. "We."
My alternative: "Look. I'm in charge here."  

Feel free to use any of these!